Indecisiveness
At times, I am sure that I know what I want, and then on the other hand, I find myself questioning my decisions. I removed myself from a relationship with my AXBF, continue to pursue my goals, and try to move on. But then, I still miss him and want to know how he is doing. Why?
But in the time and space we have been apart, he has continued on his path. While not using his DOC- he is still pursuing a lifestyle that is likely headed in a circle. I know this is not my concern, but I think I have not moved on because I am still waiting. Waiting for a miracle that will likely never come.
This is the thinking that usually sends me running back to his arms, and I know that is not the answer. But once again, I am about to go home and being on my own again for this long keeps me longing for him. I am not even sure it's human to be alone for this long. My friends and family think something is wrong with me because I am not dating or trying to move on in their eyes.
I am somewhat worried about me too being all work and no play. Yes, I do what I love, but I do it all by myself. I have my dream job. I am so grateful for my health and my life. But I feel that love and family is the most important part of life, and I feel like I am getting so far from the possibility of that ever happening.
Not really sure what I am getting at here but thought this was the safest place to air my dirty laundry. I really want to move on with or without him in my life. But I think I tend to get in my own way. I make excuses out of fear. Maybe that's all this is- fear? I also read that indecisiveness is a symptom of depression. Interesting!
Love and blessings to all!