Well, my interview went well. I guess I will find out if I got the job by Tuesday.
This is sooooo hard! I just want to run away and hide in a hole.
My cravings are really bad right now.
just a 10. I just want one 10.
I won't. I wont. I won't. Ugh!!!
I wonder if I'm gunna have to go No Contact with D... breaks my heart. I really don't want to, but I think he picked up again today and that's not a lapse. That's actively using.
I'm torn about waltzing into Al anon as a double winner. Maybe I can go to celebrate recovery tonight.
Changing people is so hard. I hate this.
There is a movie called Get em to the Greek, and I totally feel it right now:
"it couldn't hurt ya know, to not be on heroin"
Somebody tell me its worth it and that everything will be ok. I just don't feel that way right now.
I go to my IOP tomorrow. Maybe that will help? I go 5 days a week 4 hours a day.
I'm not gunna pick up today. I'm pissed as all hell that my partner did. I'm trying to admit to myself that I'm more pissed that he picked up without me, and used it all. What!? Ya. Feeling left out. How dumb is that right? I'm angry that I have to do this alone, and that my spouse is not supportive. He is supportive by not enabling me. Pisses my inner addict off. I need to dump him and my friends who still use. Everyone I know uses something.
I can make new friends at meetings right? Maybe if I get this job too.
Thanks for letting me ramble