hi shasha4 ,ive been where u have been ,i mean in the depressed stage,,,which i think u r in,ive been told if i get depressed to gaze at a crucufix of jesus,,think of all the pain he went thru,,and his dying on the cross,,all for the love of us.this has helped me a lot,,also i pray all day long,,,i pray for me to help me get better,and i also pray for others,,,that jesus will help them too in their problems,prayer is my strongest tool in my alcoholic tool box,,it works it really does..i am praying for u right now...i dont know what else i can say to help you,i hope i have helped you some.just remember "JLY"