Trust issue and Step Three
As of the 22nd of this month I will have 5 months sobriety.
I have been working the steps with my sponsor and right now I'm not at a complete stand still, more of a pause ... My sponsor has told me that "Steps take time. Do not rush through them and remember that God will meet you where YOU are not where you think you should be."
I'm at a place right now where I know what I need to do yet, the thought of completely turning my will over to my Higher Power, in whom I choose to call God, is a little unreal right now.
Growing up my trust was completely distroyed and I am VERY self dependent.
So the thought of just giving up my will to God ... It's a battle within me.
I know that when I was drinking, that was me without God ... Thinking that I had complete control over everything ... I drank to blackout hoping that would kill me because I didn't have the guts to try to do it myself.
Again, I know what I need to do ... there is doubt. "What if" I do step three, say the prayer ... yet I know in my heart that I'm still not trusting God as I should. Doing step three will be pointless and a waste of time. Right?
Or am I just thinking to much into this?