Not sure where to begin
I know that I am an alcoholic, but it still feels strange to call myself one.
Both my wife and I come from a long line of drinkers and for the past several years we have enabled each other to become alcoholics. We are in our mid twenties and pretty much since the day we turned 21 (and quite a few times beforehand), we have been drinking together every night.
Being young professionals, college graduates, and working stressful jobs it has always been our release. For years, I never saw a problem with this. Our parents would come home to 6-10 drinks every night, so why shouldnt we? It took the edge off. We slowly made the transition to liquor (me from beer and her to wine) to the point of not even mixing it anymore, just warm shots from the bottle chased with soda. When we both started gaining weight and becoming less social, it made me feel better. When I had a rough day, I had something to look forward to - a reprieve - in the safety of our home. Just to relax, just to unwind, just to make our conversation a little more livelier. Mornings, we both stumbled through our routines in a hung over mess only to come home and do the same thing again. My wife and I both suffer from anxiety and panic attacks now; something neither of us had before we started drinking. Now, much of my drinking is self medicating the anxiety issue. During all of this time, neither of us brought "it" up.
It struck me a few months ago, nursing a hangover from the evening prior, that I was waiting for the clock to reach 5:00pm so that it would be "ok" to start drinking. This was on a lazy Saturday afternoon with nothing to unwind from. This concerned me as it was the first time I can remember craving alcohol. Looking at the clock every 20 minutes as I counted several hours to the socially acceptable cocktail hour.
A friend of ours began staying with us a few weeks ago and while she has not commented on my drinking, I found her lack of consumption strange. After a while, I became embarrassed and started hiding it - sneaking a shot while she used the restroom, or only drinking when she was not around.
So, I've pretty well decided that I am an alcoholic and I want to quit. I've been steadily putting on weight (I was very athletic growing up) and my passion and drive at work has been declining.
I have not gone more than 3 or 4 days without alcohol in many years and even during those times (I remember them), I was craving. I usually average 5-8 drinks in a night, but have no problem stopping after that point. I dont drink until I blackout, never drive drunk, no job or family problems from drinking. Unfortunately, my wife refuses to talk to me about this and is adamant that her drinking is "normal".
Mainly at this point I am not sure if I need to see a doctor before quitting. I REALLY do not want to do that as I have seen the same doctor since I was young. I know that is the CYA/safe thing to say, but is it really necessary? I have never had shakes/tremors/hallucinations or anything of the sort on the few days I dont drink. Hungover, today, I have quite a bit of brain fog, anxiety, and dizziness which is normal for me.
Thank you all for your help and the opportunity to vent. This is something I've never discussed with anyone.