Justsarah - read what you posted to me last night, a little reminder about the boys, even when its hard. Childcare... ugh. Are you in the States? I still cannot believe how much childcare is! Thank you for your suggestion on Alan Carr's book. I read your post in the middle of the night last night and went straight to Amazon and bought it.
Back at the office today. Guilty's got me out of bed and to the office early. My husband and I talked more last night and he said "we'll get through this but its going to take a lot for me not to worry sick that you're going to go out and get wine when I'm not looking." I totally understand his fears and concerns, I've totally taken the ability to trust that my daughter is okay when alone with me. Again, how did I become this person... it was incremental and now I've done things I could never even think of. He slept in the guestroom again last night.
My throat is still so sore from the violent sick I got on Tuesday morning. I've barely eaten and feel yuck. I mean why do we do this to ourselves? Day 2 and voraciously reading everything I can on the web about moms, alcoholism, coping, recovery.... I don't know how I feel today other than just bad.. but I do know that I will not drink today.