Richardswife,
I have come to actually be jealous - ! - of people here who have As whose drinking is clear, obvious, tangible.
It was all so shadowy and mysterious - AH's drinking. That was in many ways much worse than the few times he was out of control clearly just plain drunk. Even the out and out abuse had an element of relief to it compared to the subtle lies, mistreatments, cruelties that no one could detect except me - if I was feeling sure of myself - and maybe my children.
I feel for you.
Yay! I may be in dire financial straights, but no more living with that crazy A! Hurrah for that!