There's some great advice here Ach. I really hope you decide to take it.
We're all normal people here - we have exactly the same problems, and dreams, and schemes and hopes as every other human being.
and we're all extraordinary too, because we deal with our other problems as well.
Living in a world where you hate yourself, your life, your future, and everyone else is not a great way to live Ach.
There is help out there. Please - use it.
D