First off you are not a lost cause,none of us are but we tend to guilt ourselves into thinking we are not worth anything. I'm like twenty years older than you and I know enough to know that if you are on here you have a will to straighten things out and you can,one day at a time . Something you might think about is going to a hospital detox,alcohol is hard to come off of and sometimes requires medical assistance. The thing is you are being honest,that's a huge deal,does your wife know that you have a problem? Your going to need to fill her in and let her help you get sober. You have already taken the first step. It sounds like you love your family and you are aware there is a problem. Make the next step,look at the situation and decide that either detox or rehab may have to be the next step,if you think you can't stop on your own. There's always AA ,meetings are everywhere and all day long all you have to do is not take the first drink,you will get through one day and then another,one day at a time is the best way to go,sometimes when I'm having a hard time I just do an hour at a time.theres lots of help out there and on here you just have to figure out what is going to work for you. Really if you think you can't stop then detox would be my first choice. Make some calls to your local hospital and check out what's available and then you can both decide what course of action to take. Remember your so not alone,we are all here for you ,helps just a click away....best of luck to you..