I'm new here too and slowly getting to grips with part of the site and it is nice to know, we are not alone!
I can understand the associations with everything. day to day life with a drink in hand.. And about 10 waiting..
I always justify to myself it is a reason to drink. Whatever I am doing.
You are definitely not a lost cause! I'm on day 3 of being sober and have never felt more like a loner. I have two beautiful children myself and currently hiding out at my ex partners where he rarely if ever drinks with our two children. Avoiding my family who without fail have a drink every night (though know how to stop) and avoiding my social circle who drink too until I'm strong enough to come out of hiding!