thewill

Hello.

I am 30 years old, married to a great women with 2 beautiful young children.

However, I am an alcoholic. I need help to fight this disease.

I drink 3 bottles of red wine per night. During the day I try and sneak in 4 or 5 cans of cider to get me through the day. I am always craving that next drink. I always have to have alcohol in my house. I put my kids to bed early so I can get that next drink. I can not just have 1 drink, I need at least 10-12, plus a bottle of wine just to unwind.

I've told myself I am going to quite. I keep on failing. I say I'm going to quite at 8 am......by 6 pm I am into the red wine.

I don't know how to stop. I can count on one hand how many sober days I have had in the last 10 years. I don't drink just on weekends, I drink everyday, and I drink until the bottle is finished. I need to finish the bottle. Time for the next bottle. I just want more and more.

All my friends drink, my mother is an alcoholic my brother is an alcoholic, my father was an alcoholic until he passed last year in his 50s. However my wife does not drink.

I relate everything to alcohol.

Its a nice sunny day outside.....lets grab a beer (16 beers later)
Its time for a bbq...... cant bbq without a beer. (12 beers later)
Friends are comming over.....lets crack that wine. (turns into 2 bottles)
We are having steak for dinner.......must have wine. (turns into 3 bottles)
I am on vacation.....I can have a beer. (end up finishing a 5th of vodka sipping all day)
Baseball is on TV......I feel like a beer. (you know how this goes.)

Almost everything in life triggers that alchohol craving for me.


Am I a lost cause?

I want to stop.

Please Help.

I dont want to Die.