Originally Posted by
trixie56 
I do feel in limbo, but I'm having trouble articulating why. It ended so abruptly and I feel like I don't for sure know why it ended, but in my heart I know it was because of alcohol. Part of me is probably wondering if he'll reappear one day and apologize, because it happened once before. I guess I thought him knowing how I felt would make me feel more able to move on somehow, because by him vanishing I felt like he robbed me of the chance to speak up for myself. But I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be sensitive to whatever I write, because he's already shown me alcohol is his priority. I mistakingly keep imagining a rational, emotionally healthy person reading the letter and giving it thought. I'm thinking that throwing my feelings out there at him will make me too vulnerable, when he's already hurt me deeply.
My counselor does have personal experience with alcoholics, but I'm not sure if letter writing has proven helpful for her or her other patients.
I can see your therapist's point to an extent. Maybe she thinks you are stuck and even getting hurt might help to move you along in recovery.
I can't say that nothing good came from writing my ex. I didn't get what I was looking for from him, but I did get a BIG reminder of how sick the man is. That part was like having a bucket of ice water thrown in my face. In a way, the shock helped me to let go of any magical thinking I had about him, and move on. The problem was, it really hurt.
Maybe you could try writing yourself two letters, pretending they are responses to your letter from him. In one, write what you would like him to say to you, and in the other write what you think he realistically would say to you. You could see how that makes you feel. Perhaps it might make things shift a bit for you.
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I know you probably just want closure and to move on. Real closure though can't come from an A, it has to come from changes within you. And those take time. Be gentle with yourself. He may not be able to hear you, or understand how you feel, but we can!
HUGS