Originally Posted by
irisgardens 
...always talked to me about anybody and everybody I loved...and she always told me the ugly side of them...their family dirty laundry...etc. ....
My only regret is that I listened and even that...is not so much a regret...because I realize that that was my role in the family...dumpster for their negative garbage.
Somedays I try to figure out how to 'be friends again', but that is not possible...because with both (with me not understanding) it was always when THEY needed ME...and I was so happy with just that little bit...that I GAVE myself out. There is a verse in the bible...the 'truth' will set you free...the truth is painful when heard or seen...but it does set one free or give one the opportunity to make better choices going forward.
God bless.
How very true on all of this. "Dumpster for their negative garbage." Oh, yes, how I can relate to THAT! What a great phrase to describe it.
After I moved back home, I'd come home from work and find my nephews in my home, and all the kids excited that they were there for the whole weekend. I loved having them...but there was no asking, no notification, no phone number to contact my sister at, no word of where she was or when she'd be back. She'd come down to our city to visit friends, go hang out in their hot tubs, whatever, with her husband, and it simply never occurred to her to introduce me, being new to the area, or welcome me to join her as an equal.
We're a whopping 18 months apart and she's made it clear our whole lives I'm the 'little' sister and not welcome with the big kids. Do you know how ridiculous it is to move home in your mid 30s and realize that 18 months still MATTERS to her, and she's STILL going to let you know you're not welcome with her friends?
When she flew into a rage and explained it was really my fault because I (hold on, wait for it) took a nap in her house and left her and the 6 other adults to watch my kids (also in her house) I started to really see that painful truth quite clearly that we had a GREAT relationship as long as I took care of her kids and listened to her complain about our upbringing.
Yes, it has set me free. There are those with great relationships with their siblings who think people like us are going to regret it some day, realize all the great times we missed out on by 'holding a grudge,' and all I can say is, "WHAT is it I'm going to miss? Being yelled at? Being treated like the little sister who's still not welcome with the big kids? Being accused of ridiculous things?"
No, I don't miss it. It IS freeing. :-D