Looks like I am heading in a direction, perhaps it is just time...
Too tired, maybe and beaten down. And the thing is it still seems like there is a veil of booze, it's different but somehow the same. That's what I just don't get. I have mentioned so many new things for us to do and they just fall through the cracks and he doesn't seem to be able to make the time. RAH is parked in front of the TV watching sports all the time, 3 x as much as he did before and he is always got some work issue bugging him.
It doesn't much matter, all h*ll broke loose tonight.
I asked my RAH why is he so combative and he informed me he was this way when I met him and I am just so clueless to not have seen it.
I must have said it enough that I don't think we are making much progress and maybe we should consider divorce. Tonight he agreed and told me I was a lunatic and yes let's get a divorce.
I should have just gone ahead on my own with this. Of course I thought we could work out an amicable solution but he in no way is considering what is best for the kids. He is adamant that I won't be staying in the house. We haven't even worked out custody arrangements.
How quickly he goes to battle, I should have known.
I mentioned the custody and he says he knows his kids love him.
WTF - see where this is going. I do. I should be ok, aside from him being the major breadwinner for most of the years I have always been the responsible one, managing the money, taking care of the kids, everything.
I just hope I can get another job at my age. I was employed for 3 years after staying at home for over 15 but that didn't last and I haven't had much luck with the interviews I've been going on.
Took my tests to certify for teaching and will know if I pass next week. I am anxious about getting a teaching position at my age (53), positions seem slim, although I could qualify for MS science/math may be more opportunity there.
I am starting to ramble. I am thinking my RAH is on drugs sometimes when he gets combative. (It's not physical - it's just dismissive and mean and nasty, talks in circles and tries to tell me I'm menopausal.) Two counselors have told him that there is nothing abnormal or too much too handle and I don't have a problem.
The same issues keep coming up for me, it's nothing new. I am rambling now and maybe this is hormonal but seriously I don't think so. I think it's the bits of craziness that I still have left in me from this disease.
Thanks for listening.