DS..I'm guessing your recent relapse played into the mix here. I know you were bummed about the loss of your "pink cloud sobriety" after 35 days. Alcohol is a poisonous, gutting SOB. I know you are in the dark..but you are also suffering alcohol's depressant affects after drinking..not to mention whatever you are doing to yourself for losing another battle. STOP IT. We cannot underestimate the power of its evil clutches once we give it some oxygen in relapse.
You are among friends here...friends fighting the same war. Alcohol is an enemy. You need to recharge, regroup and perhaps arm yourself with some bigger artillery. Don't let it win.