Starting over at day one of the taper today. :/
It's an interesting thing about the hyperalgesia isn't it? In the begining, before I knew about this, I knew that it seemed I experienced greater pain when I was on higher doses of the meds. Physical therapy didn't work, chiropractic didn't work, special orthotic shoe inserts didn't work, and acupuncture didn't work. All the things that should have been working, that I believed in, did nothing. My pain just got worse. That's when I began suspecting the meds were responsible and I researched everything I could on the internet and found this thing called hyperalgesia. Well, at least it confirmed my suspicions.
Hyperalgesia is something that happens to me while still on the medication. Pain gets worse, dosage is increased, pain gets better for a while and then always, always the pain worsens after I’ve increased the dosage, sometimes to the point of not being able to do any more than sit all day long and waking in the mornings so full of pain I can barely make it from the bed to the coffee pot. Over the years when I have successfully tapered for a period of time, I have found that my pain is less when I'm off the meds than when I'm on them. So with that said, I guess it's fair to say that addiction keeps me on them and PAWS keeps me going back to them. MY brain is not functioning properly because of the PAWS so I always end up back on the meds. PAWS.......think about that for a moment........PAWS is what's responsible for going back, again and again and again. Or in other words, stinkin’ thinkin’. I think about this when I reflect on the death of Cory Monteith recently. Even tho he made many attempts at sobriety and staying clean, this crooked way of thinking because of PAWS is what eventually led to his death. In my opinion. There should be greater attention to PAWS for people in recovery, whether they're in rehab or going it on their own.
In one article I read recently it was said that recovery in and of itself causes a lot of stress. It suggested that some addicts never learn how to manage stress without our drug of choice or may do so only after many attempts. It suggested that our ability to deal with it depends on our willingness to take care of ourselves and maintain a healthy physical, emotional and spiritual lifestyle, and said that repairing the damage to our nervous systems usually requires from six months to two years, suggesting that PAWS is the cause of most relapses in early recovery.
The same article also says that since we are addicts, repeated relapses could eventually be fatal and that it’s important for us to understand PAWS because it could be a matter of life and death. It’s important to have an understanding of post-acute withdrawal and be able to recognize the symptoms and what to do about them when they happen.
This is where I’m at. I need to fully understand what this PAWS is and what I need to do to take care of myself during this time. Frankly, I’m of the opinion that PAWS is what’s responsible for each time I fail while in the midst of a taper program. My current taper has been the most difficult so far and in all I think it’s been close to 8+ weeks that I’ve been trying to get a grip on lowering my dosage of meds. I frequently take the meds because I fear the pain coming back. I may not even be in pain at the time; I may fear the pain occurring during an activity so I take the meds in advance of the pain in order to avoid it happening. In reflection, what I truly need is down time while doing the taper but I keep getting caught up in activity on the days I feel progress and that ultimately leads me back to taking a higher dosage because I have over done when I felt well.
It’s mind blowing to me the mental and psychological effects narcotic pain meds bring about. In all of the ten plus years I’ve been on this medication, I’ve never once had my physician talk to me about these effects. This leads me to think that physicians either don’t care or are not aware. Either way, it seems unacceptable to me that they don’t share this information with their patients.
Ok, that’s all I got today. I’m starting over at day one of the taper today. I let fear of pain and my desire to do more than my body can on a lower dose of the meds, get in the way of practical thinking. Have a good day all. Blessings.