After the meeting I attended last night and sharing that I didn't feel I belonged and might do a program designed by what my needs are. I laugh now.. I was in my head thinking, I will attend 4 meetings a week, not read the big book because I can't relate and tell my sponsor we don't need to meet for discussions... Then I am sitting in my car before the meeting and I was like god tell me what to do I am sober and feel under control... So I opened the big book and there it was the story from a person I could relate... I shared this and honesty is great.. I got so much advice from the group I was full of strength and know that I gotta "keep coming". We are alcoholics and the desease can manifest in so many different ways... It is sneaky and destructive... AA helps me identify when I cannot that it is my desease talking and gives mme the tools to stay sober.. It is up to me to follow or not...