Hi Dura. I know all too well what you are feeling and going through. I was married for 8 years to my husband and we have a 7 year old little boy. We lived a life of hell together. We struggled everyday just to feed our son. We were both alcoholics, addicted to pain killers and what ever else came our way. He began dealing to make ends meet and thing just went from bad to worse. I used to think that I could not leave him because we were a family and were all we had. It took 8 years to finally reach my breaking point. I took our son and moved back to California. He followed 8 months later with promises that he had changed, that he was clean, that everything would be OK. He got here...and was exactly the same. Nothing had changed..in fact it was worse. The point is that after breaking up with him a couple friends came forward and let me know just how big of a piece of **** he was. Apparently he had been cheating on me with who ever he could (friends of ours). It cut me so deep. I took care of him...worked and he didn't blah blah. I couldn't believe that he could treat me like that when I loved him so much. I felt really lost and alone. It took me about a year after the break up to really get my self back to a healthy mental space. But I am so much better now. Two years have passed and I have graduated college with an AA, I'm healthy (except for the drinking, which is what I am working on now), but I am so much happier. It is hard sometimes. Thoughts slip in and make it hard to deal with life and everything that has happened (which is the root of my drinking), but...I know that even though I get sad sometimes thinking about the past I know that I was much worse off when I was with him. I know you have kids and feel like you "can't" leave him and abandon him, but if you're unhappy and feel like he doesn't want to be with you type of thing, then my advice is to take that leap and take care of yourself. He is not your responsibility, and most likely he is just staying with you because you enable him and take care of him. That's what I went through. So my advice is to really think about this and try to filter out thoughts about what truly makes you happy and then make that your main goal.
If you need someone to talk to about this I am here and you can private message me or whatever. It helps to talk to others who have been through this type of thing and are trying to heal as well. I know I still am.