I've been laying low for a while, partly because I'm back in the States due to my father's health and dealing with that, partly because I'm busy working hard on letting my life develop more holistically, having broken all contact with my former partner about 5 months ago (I've stopped counting days, which makes me feel great), and partly because I'm beginning to reign in some of my commentary, which, of late, I feel is just an extension of my illness.
I'm a bit conflicted because, although I've learned so much from what others have shared, both in my Nar-Anon group (and in the literature) and here on SR, I often hear a voice inside of me now that says, "Just be quiet"... When I look back on some of my early posts here, I find that I was often too strident, or too absolute in my thinking... At this point in my recovery, I can see the attributes of what we call here "co-dependency" in so many people, but whereas, in the recent past, I might have tried to say something (usually by way of sharing my own experience), I've started to understand just how deeply transformative the process of recovery really is, and so my reaction, more and more, is to just listen.... and to also walk away from something that is so messy that I feel myself being triggered.
And yet, as I said, I have been helped by what others have shared, so I'm trying to let myself really feel what's going on in this "step" while not getting too involved in it -- just letting it happen. When I think about those in my group with many years of recovery, or folks here like Ann or Kindeyes, who say things that are succinct, restrained and well-measured, I understand that my recovery is only beginning.