Originally Posted by
DG0409 
Could you tell your mutual acquaintances that you no longer want updates about your AH? Could you let them know that you are trying to move on and focus on your life and doing good things for yourself rather than staying wrapped up in what he is doing?
I agree with this suggestion. I have a mutual friend who for some reason thinks it's necessary to update me with my ex-girlfriend's status, job, social life, etc. This friend is a "collector" of information, she phrases her updates in a very "I'm sorry to tell you this, but" type of way.
In the end I realized that part of getting well is moving on, and finding new social circles. At middle-age it's not easy, but it's a new challenge and I like what I'm finding out about myself. Sorry to make this about "me", but I am just speaking from my experience.
As DG said, it might be time to tell your friends to stop with the updates, and for you to stop looking for them. Think about it this way - would it make you feel better to know that he's happy, healthy, and in a new relationship? No. Either way, thinking about this guy is toxic because there is no answer that will make you feel better.