I think you're right that a lot of people really don't understand addiction.
And I think alcohol really affects some of us differently than others, so I think it's really hard for somebody who's not an alcoholic to understand how it is for us. Hence lots of people that try to tell us that we just 'need to moderate' or things like that which really don't work for an alcoholic.
You can't make them understand. It's like trying to explain to somebody who was born blind what it's like to 'see'. They're not going to really understand because it's not something they can sense. But when you do have the sense of sight, you just know, and no blind person would ever be able to convince you that you can't.
Good job on knowing that it's not a good time for a relationship for you and at least honestly communicating that with her. Keep your boundaries clear and let her ignorance and denial be her problem.