Hey amandanicole you must be proud of yourself somewhere in your heart to have made it 30 days! I am at day 8 after a relapse and SO scared of facing all those feelings again that I faced last time!
I don't want to smoke weed again though (my addiction). Not now, anyway. Not tonight. As much as it feels like the walls are closing in, I know I don't have to smoke. Sometimes I feel like staying sober is literally all I'm capable of. Maybe that and running a mile
You're so strong for keeping your job through all this. Finding a real person at a meeting to talk to would do me a lot of good and maybe you too. I'm 23 and in recovery, sometimes I wonder, why the heck do I need to end up here now, why can't I just go have fun with everyone else, and quit when I'm ready?
But I guess the fact that I'm here means I'm already ready. Life is special like that. When our parents put us in Kindergarten, we didn't get to complain that we'd rather suck thumbs another year. So when life lands us in recovery, through an equally unpredictable chain of impulses and events, we want to suck our thumbs a little longer, but sometimes, it's just time.
Hope that helped I like writing!
