Richardswife, I can tell you from my personal experience that the more I distanced myself from the "stuff" of the difficult alcoholic---the better I was able to function--the more clarity I had. It reduced the conflict between us and I felt less helpless and less crazy.
It is a hard concept to wrap your m ind around, at first. I think, though, that when you try it.....you will see what I mean.
dandylion