I know I just cannot deal with emotional pain without alcohol. Hangovers helped me even because I could not think about all the horrible things I feel all the time. Maybe I will have to just smoke and deal with that after 6 months or so of sobriety. I mean I have smoked for years, what is six months going to hurt? I feel like I died and went to hell. Maybe it is the anti anxiety medication I am taking. Maybe I am crazy and should just get on disability and say **** it.