I say this because I lived through 2 outpatient and 2 inpatient rehabs with my RABF before he truly got sober. I learned that whether I fretted or not....didn't have any impact on his recovery...just made ME crazy. It wasn't until I learned to "stay on my side of the street" and focus on MY recovery...ie not HIS recovery.....that I started to feel better. I didn't ask questions, didn't ask about AA/counseling, etc. It wasn't easy at first, but it was the right thing to do.
This ^^^.
I lived through four inpatient and 4+ outpatient programs with my STBXAH and he still doesn't have it together. The more I worked my program, the more clear it was to me that he was still giving me lip service on all the things I needed to stay in the relationship and no action was backing him up.
When they discharged him from Rehab #3, we had a joint counseling session where they laid out what his "best practice" aftercare would be: weekly solo counseling sessions, regular AA meeting participation, a sponsor, and a full time job/volunteer position. After rehab #3, I told him he could only live with me and the kids if he was doing those things. He never did all of them at the same time, or for any length of time. When he relapsed, as was his pattern, I kicked him out and changed the locks on the doors and we haven't lived together since.
For awhile I fantasized about us reuniting, and right as I was about the pull the trigger, he lost another job, and relapsed again (he thinks it's a secret), and went to rehab for the fourth time. While there, he lied about a lot of things, cut me out of his treatment process, and rallied his remaining codependents to help him maintain his addictive behavior. I filed for divorce while he was in Rehab #4.
There are a lot of people here who have a range of experiences and various approaches to hope and faith that mitigate their feelings about the addict. What I know is that I loved him, he purported to love me, but that didn't stop him from leaving me over and over again, abandoning my son/his stepson without a thought, and relying on me to raise his baby daughter while he blames me for his chronic unemployment, total lack of friendships, and ongoing rehab soap operas. I made a lot of excuses: he was such a good guy, "if only," "except," "but." I lost myself and my loves and interests in his drama. My kids missed out because all my focus was on his insanity. I'm ashamed of that.
So regardless of what he did, I had to focus on myself, why I got into a relationship with a guy who treated me like this AND STAYED, loooooong, long, long, long past leaving time. I had to make changes regarding how I meet the world's challenges. I had to change the way I saw my life and my choices. I do not attend Al-Anon, but I went to individual therapy for 2+ years and participate heavily here at SR. There are dozens of wonderful people with loads of experience here. Post frequently, cry, rant, and most importantly, be open to changing yourself. Put some of that energy that's focused on him and your worries about him back on you. Find some joy and stay there, and the ground will shift under your feet.