Hi Nancy
I think the flip side is that we also have to maintain responsibility for our actions. I think that is part of the healing of both ourselves and our relationships. I think it's no co-incidence that many people have found life-long sobriety through steps which confront them with what they themselves have done. I do think we have to avoid thinking 'my addiction did this or that'. At the end of the day it was me who decided to drink, and my addiction to alcohol didn't happen overnight, but occurred after repeated choices to drink.
It's a balance, I think. Certainly some people beat themselves up too much, but I've known others who never seemed to really accept personal responsibility for their actions, and that prevented them from really moving on from those actions. It also prevented others from having proper closure on the impact of the alcoholic's actions.
I don't think we should lose that sense of personal responsibility and, yes, moral culpability. It's part of learning to live a better life, and it's part of being able to apologise genuinely to others.
God bless +
Michael