Originally Posted by nbay2013

Treeners; I was involved with my Ex-AB for 5 years and the last 2 were all about alcohol addiction. But looking back, the first years were just a training ground for me to morph into a person who worried all about him all the time. Unlike you, I never actually saw him drink much; he was a very secret drinker. But it does not matter I did not see it; the behaviors were the same; the drama, clinginess, me taking care of his problems. I felt bad for his "migraine headaches" (hangovers) and sleep apnea (combining vodka and ambien). He became more and more negative, and nasty...not so much to me, but other random people and went on embarrassing Facebook rants...ugggg. just worse and worse. So, you can't hide addiction forever; eventually it came out. And when I refused to be with him over a year ago until he sought treatment; it's like he turned insane, with vulgarity, dozens of sad/angry/pleading messages.

We spent a year on a hiatus while he spent his first year in AA/Therapy. And here is where our stories are similar. In that year there was a lot of drama. But a few weeks ago we decided to try an "official" reconciliation; done right. With a counselor, go slow; resume our romantic life. And then, abruptly, he broke it off. This was 48 hours after some of the best days we have had in a very long time. He disappeared, with a couple emails very similar to your Ex-BF. He is confused, wants to be alone, doesn't know how he feels, etc. And I have not heard from him in almost three weeks. My initial reaction was shock and grief. It was like, after all THAT! REALLY, he dumps ME? So, I think several things are going on with you. One, when you are with an alcoholic you join his/her world. You have to shift who you are to stay close to them. You have to go into denial and only see the good. So that changes you and when they remove themselves from us, those good memories are what we are craving. We have been in denial so long, we just can't feel the real awfulness of what happened. I think that might come later. (Two) Having lived for him for long, and being long suffering, my ego got wrapped up in this. I had a "I will win", "he will be sober and have insight and be the man I imagined him to be". Well, clearly he was not the man of my dreams; it was my imagination. (Three) both my Ex and your Ex did us a big favor. They don't know it, but we know. I am going on faith on that, because since it's only been 15 days for me, I believe that I will eventually feel it.

Keep on writing and reading. I have lived on this site for three weeks and it has kept me somewhat even keel.

Hugs/love/support

Carrie