Jess,
There are still many times when I know that I use the old habit of procrasinating if I think something is going to be painful, awkward, uncomfortable or new (and I won't be any good at it!). When it came to money issues it was the worst, because I am totally emotional about money. I worried if I had enough, what if I didn't have enough, what if something terrible happened that meant I couldn't take care of myself and eeeekkk....would have to ask for HELP!?!?!?!? That was the worst thought in the world.
I especially remember this time in my life, a few years back, when I had been working for a software company and had been issued some stock options. Back then, my exH and I did our own taxes. Shortly after we split up it came to my attention that we may not have handled the taxes on the options correctly and that I could owe a LOT of money in back taxes.
I felt this sick feeling in my stomache for almost a year. I carried this fear of what would happen if I owed a bunch of money I didn't have and couldn't imagine how I would assemble if I did owe it. I don't know why, but one day I just asked somebody for help - did they know an accountant that handled this type of stuff so I could talk about it. This is where my HP comes in, again. Within the day I had the name of an accounting practice, only 10 minutes from my house, that focused on the exact issue I was worried about. I called, made an appointment (I think I was having an out of body experience) and somehow brought most of the right documents with me when I went for my visit.
I dreaded leaving all my documents with him, but he said he'd look at them and call me in a few days. Turned out that it was OKAY, but I carried that stress for almost a whole YEAR for no logical, sane reason, except that I lived in fear. The relief I felt that day was almost euphoric.
I am learning to face the fears and take action. In the worst case I'll have to choose another action to take if the first choice doesn't work out, but at least I AM CHOOSING, and not reacting to someone else's choice.
Good luck and I hope you find some mental peace today,
Petunia