“There is no such thing as one and done”.
Exactly.
I remember one of the times I managed to get sober over a 14 day period. My husband, having endured MUCH verbal abuse from me not every time that I drank, but definitely in waves made the statement "I wish that you could really just have a few and have a good time like I do". This was because we were headed to a friends where he wanted to drink and felt bad that he was going to and I couldn't because I was trying to abstain. Not hard to guess that I was so elated to hear those words. I looked at him and said "I know that if I try hard enough I can do it" and I was off and running again. Then, the next wave of verbal abuse came.
That was a few attempts back. This time, when he realized that I was serious, that I was done he again made the statement. Don't fault him, he truly felt bad that I can't drink, he wasn't doing it to get me to drink nor did he understand the affect those words had on me the last time. I looked at him and said "You're right, I can't have a few and have a good time". That was a defining moment for me this time through.
I would find any excuse to drink, putting off quitting, putting it off, and putting it off again. You just HAVE TO DO IT.
I can never go back, I can't ever pick up that first drink ever again, ever. However, I also am not going to focus on that and I don't make promises. I just won't drink today.
That is when I had my epiphany! That is when I finally recognized my subconscious rationalization to consume. Honestly, I have had it. The only way this insane pattern can change is if I consciously change it. I have had enough once and for all.
KEY STATEMENT! Hang on to that and put it somewhere that you can go and read it the next time your AV tries to rationalize with you. There is no choice anymore, you just can't do it.