Hi Boilerchic
Blimey, I wrote a really long post to you and it disappeared. I think that was my HP telling me to be a bit softer on you!
All I will say now is - if you are going to stay in this relationship, please do so with your eyes wide open. Get some al-anon meetings under your belt and get hold of some Melodie Beattie books.
You can't refuse to let this happen to him - he's the only one that can do that.
(((hugs)))
Minnie
xxx