I hope I did not give the impression that you were the cause if his problems, that was not what I meant.
I have two sons at similar age, a couple of years younger. I feel strongly with you. My youngest used mj years back, I did notice that after ½ year or so. That experience kept me sober for 18 months, I was devastated over this. He was young and I had a lot more strings to play on.
When we talk about this today (he is 18) – he says that I overreacted totally and it was not that bad and so on. He still can not see how much it influenced him at that time – his experience was very different from what in reality was going on and what I saw.
When they are 21 you do not have the same influence as when they are in their early teens – and you can not make decisions for them.
When I wrote not to be part of the problem I meant that I would try to think about “You have a problem, and you are a mess.” But avoid a relationship where he is lying to me or stealing from me.
Maybe I am way of – it is terrible difficult.
I do hope it will work out for him.