First of all, I'm overwhelmed with happiness that you are all replying. I've been reading breakup forums, reading breakup blogs, looking into post breakup depression, etc. but I think this is the community I should be reaching out to. A breakup up from a relationship with an addict is very different than a "normal" breakup. Again, I thank you for this support and look forward to connecting with you all.
I think you've all hit the nail on the head. In regards to not speaking to him and cutting off all contact, I know you're all right...it's just hard to actually move forward with it. I think nbay2013 said it best:
"When you are with an alcoholic you join his/her world. You have to shift who you are to stay close to them. You have to go into denial and only see the good. So that changes you and when they remove themselves from us, those good memories are what we are craving. We have been in denial so long, we just can't feel the real awfulness of what happened. I think that might come later"
I keep catching myself thinking about all of the good memories. We really did get along perfectly, I'd never connected with someone like that and although our relationship was hell now that I look back, I keep dwelling on all of the good things we had. I think that it's important to share my story because telling it reminds myself of how bad it really was.
As of now he thinks I'm okay with being friends. I'm not responding to texts as much/texting him first/replying with large comments, etc. so I think he's slowly taking the hint. Do I need to tell him how much he's hurt me and that I need space? Or do I just continue doing what I'm doing and slowly let him figure it out?
He also won't stop apologizing...like it's going to make me feel better or something. How the hell do I respond to that?!
I think the hardest thing, aside form the loneliness, is the fact that HE broke up with ME. There's a certain kind of sadness that comes when you're not only questioning you self-worth but also your sanity. Why did I sacrifice so much for someone who used me so selfishly? What should I have done differently? Will I ever be able to trust someone again? Will I keep going for these types of people where I set myself up for heartbreak?
I'm so happy I've decided to come here for support. Thank you again <3