Wes58- I think you are dating my EXAG! Seriously, it really sounds like her! The same manipulation, the blame game, the same hooks to keep you in, the lies. I even have been told a story of the gun in the mouth (25 years ago), although she now claims she never told me anything like that.
You are truly not alone in your pain. Alcoholism makes them crazy, and living with an active alcoholic makes US crazy. Do what you need to take care of you and your kids. Her problems are just that- hers.