Thank you all for the replies,
Last night I picked up The Big Book on Audible and played it over and over today while at work. It's strange how listening to the book, so many years after I first read it. I guess .. It just spoke to me so much more than ever before. It's like it was explaining step by step how my marriage fell apart. My exact emotional state after every black out. And it almost seems like AA could be my path to finding my Higher power. It all just makes so much more sense now.
I have to adjust my schedule, so I can start going to meetings again.
I'm not the type of Alcoholic that gets the shakes if I don't drink every day.
I'm a few beers a day, or in a week, then all of a sudden my control goes out and I drink tell I black out type.
I'll get this worked out,