My son asked me more than once to "control" his money. It never worked and always ended badly...just like most things my son asked me to do, like letting him live at home. My son was a grown man too, who needed to learn to take care of himself and every time I tried to "help", I deprived him of the lessons he needed to learn.
I am sorry you are "stuck" in such a bad relationship and hope you find your way to a better path soon.
Hugs