The words "Broken Toy" come to mind
How do I even start,
I have always known I was an alcoholic, I have joked about it my whole life.
I have lost 2 members of my family to Alcoholism and a 3rd has been in and out of halfway houses for most of his life.
I have been in and out of AA 3 times in my life, some worse than others.
Always half serious.
I failed my first rehab program at 19 and was kicked out of the military.
Later a blackout episode had me back at meetings of my own choice But I went back to drinking after a few months.
Then a DUI, court ordered.
And why I am here now:
An incident at a party where yet again I blacked out. My sister called me 3 days later and explained what happened. It was conduct unbecoming a gentleman to say the least.
I am serious now.
Looking back on my behavior over the last few months, I could almost wager that my subconscious has been steering me toward this decision for a while now.
I started attending Church even though I'm an Atheist.
I have started studying Ethics and Philosophy.
Listening to countless hours of pod casts and audio books on anything that could teach me something in regards to the afore mention topics.
I started going to a Gym.
I'n AA before I could never get over the "Higher Power" issue, I'm not sure if I can now. But it sure looks like I have been trying like hell to find one.