hello all,
this is the first time i've been here, so here's my story:
i've been struggling with alcohol for almost 10 years now! i started out drinking 3 to 6 light beers every night when i was 19 (a habit i picked up from my father, who used to drink himself to sleep with 12-14). the dose gradually increased as time wore on, and by age 22-23, i had reached the ugly point where "taking a night off" was no longer an option. to combat the madness of withdrawal, i started using other drugs--marijuana (which i'd always smoked), opiates, and xanax, whatever i could get.
i bottomed out at 23: i quit my job, spent all of my money on booze, and turned into a degenerate for 2 months. as i couldn't afford expensive drugs anymore, i started stealing robitussin from grocery stores to hold me over until i found money for beer. it took about 8 extremely depressing months to recover, but i finally decided to turn it around; i got a new job and went back to college. i managed to stay sober for exactly a year, but fell back into it when i stupidly accepted a part-time job at a grocery store where beer was sold.
since then, it's been on and off--i'll stay dry for 2 or 3 weeks, but then i'll have a bad day and go buy a 6-pack. this is completely unsustainable for a number of reasons, these being:
A) the withdrawal symptoms DO NOT GET WEAKER IF YOU "LAY OFF FOR A LITTLE WHILE"-- in fact, they get worse every time! after my latest relapses (july 4, july 18), i've had to resort to smoking and tranquilizers to get over them.
B) i've destroyed my stomach over the years, and now wake up with terrible, violent gas every time i drink; it's humiliating!
C) the stakes are getting way too high in my life: i'm getting ready to graduate and possibly start grad school. while my drinking has miraculously not affected my grades or my standing with the low-paying jobs i've had while in college, i do not want to risk a decent living for something i've grown to hate so much!
i am now 12 days sober and ready to do everything possible to never drink again! i've picked up some good habits (like regular exercise, healthy diet) and abandoned old friends over the last year, but still have other dangerous ones (insomnia). furthermore, when i have bad days, they are REALLY bad-- i think i've damaged the part of the brain responsible for handling stress!
as such, i'm trying something new by posting here! i hope to be inspired by your stories and to help other people in their quest to leave the horrors of alcohol behind!
