My AexBF was (is?) a rager. I learned all about detachment during these times. I remember one time his mom called on the phone and she asked me, "What is he doing right now?" and I answered, "Having another fight with himself." And she understood. She'd seen it herself. I realized that he was just angry all the time. When I described to him that it feels ugly to be in a house with someone like that, he wondered why I'd take it personally. I didn't really, other than it was MY space, MY peace, and I needed to protect it. So, I asked him to leave, changed the locks (again), and now it's peaceful. ahhhhhhh. It was my fault for letting him come back to try again. I understand that and I own it. And now I'm moving up and on! Other people were worried about him escalating abuse upon leaving, but there haven't been any episodes except for his drunk texting or drunk dialing.