Originally Posted by
onceuponatime2 
AH is emotionally abusive and flys into rages over the least little thing. Literally, there are times I am just sitting there minding my own business, and he will fly into a rage and I have no idea what the problem is. This is while he is supposedly sober, at least I think he is. So, to say the least he is a dry drunk.
I am beginning to think he might have some sort of psychological disorder at this point.
I am the peace maker in the relationship. In the past, I have even appologized to "him" even if I don't feel they are my fault all for the sake of some peace until he once again decides that he is mad and it is all my fault. (I realize this is codependent and no longer do this) Honestly, I've found that it doesn't matter because he rages anyway. He was raging again today, and it just occurred to me that SOME PEOPLE DON'T WANT PEACE. Wow, how could I not see that before. I think this has been holding me back. I think I am afraid of his reaction if I leave. God, please give me courage.
((((((((((Hugs))))))))))
I understand that. I have been praying for strength a lot lately. I will pray for your courage, strength, and safety.
Others on here have warned you about leaving a rager. You say he has never hit you. Has he done other violent things? Shoving, pushing, poking with finger as he yells, throwing things, punching things, etc? Please quietly build a support system for yourself, and if you do leave, try to see to it that he does not know where you are.
Statistically, a woman in an abusive relationship is in the most danger when she leaves/tries to leave. Several years ago I was reading an online newspaper from the area I grew up in. To my horror, a woman that lived down the street from me was brutally beaten to death by her husband after they parted ways. I had even been over their house. I remember him being in the background, quiet but with a menacing and dark presence. I do not know if he was an alcoholic but it could definitely fit. But the point is about the dangers of leaving... I'm not trying to freak you out, just hoping you do your research and are prepared. It only takes one time.
Wishing you what you need, when you need it. Stay strong, quietly get your plans in order, do your research, and if you suspect he may become violent if you threaten to leave, don't threaten it. Don't let him know. Don't go anywhere he will find you.
Peace.