Ya..soon as I saw the title and recognized the poster name..I actually said out loud "awww sh*t". Oh well...you will ultimately decide which path you want to follow. I'm currently reading "Sober for Good" which I'm getting a lot out of. Moments ago I finished the chapter on the "Masters" (as the book refers to them) who either drink moderately or on rare occasion. The "addiction" part of my brain was really scrutinizing this particular chapter..lol. I'm still very much a I don't drink in the NOW" sort of person which does not encompass the road ahead as far as whether I will drink again or not...but my "now" mentality knows I have not even scratched the surface in the sobriety lessons anyway so "foggetttaboutit" sista...but there is more to it for me than that, it is still undeniably poison that hurts my brain and internal organs (having compromised both I assume after years and years of drinking)...well there are lots of reasons...requiring alcohol to have a good time? Ya..that sounds a bit weak in my eyes too. Ultimately, I'd like to learn how to play the guitar, sing, laugh with friends until the wee hours...just me...little ole me..without alcohol. Is that possible? I dunno...much too soon for my recovering brain and spirit to know.
I do hope you decide on a path of clarity, repair, emotional growth etc...but sometimes we need more kicks at the can to know. I too fear you're relatively controlled drinking "fun" is a slippery slope. I hope not. Nevertheless, I really think you can lick this thing if you want to.