Hi MtSlide; I can relate to your story so very much. After a year of giving my EXAB space to recover in AA we were recently talking about a reconciliation. We had been platonic for this year and then we made love, we had such good times in the last 6 weeks. Open talk, mellow, movies, holding hands. And then he disappeared. He emailed me several days later; 10 days ago, that he was confused, and didn't feel that way about me anymore. And he is gone. So, I am left again with absolute confusion and doubting...was it real? Didn't he say all those things? Didn't we laugh and talk about the future, and didn't we plan to find a couples counselor. Didn't we make love... Did he fake the whole thing? Why did he wait until I said "yes" to give it another shot? So, my head is spinning. I have gone to thinking there is something wrong with me to have felt those feelings of love and happiness with him to saying, "Hell NO!, I felt those feelings, they were real for ME! I don't know what happened in his heart/mind/emotions in the last several weeks and perhaps I will never know. Even though my EX-AB has been sober for over a year, does not mean he knows how to handle his emotions. He is 52 and probably will be all over the map emotionally for a long time. I think dealing with depression for a recovering alcoholic can be unmanageable for them. They are used to self medicating and now dealing with a roller coaster of emotions without anesthesia. I know mine doesn't really have the insight or skills to navigate the bumpy ride. But when it comes to me; I know what I feel, and felt, and I am not ashamed I gave it a shot. It's normal to want to trust, to love, to believe what someone is saying. Having hope is normal. But we are all dealing with people who can't offer this kind of stability and consistency. So MtSlide, don't doubt yourself...what you felt is real and that is what matters. Your AH needs a doctor and a therapist to support himself during this roller coaster.
Love/hugs
Carrie