Welcome to early sobriety, Silvy.
There's nothing unusual about what you describe. None of what you're experiencing lasts forever, though it sucks for all of us while we're going through it.
Sounds like you've spooked yourself into staying away from AA. It really isn't all that bad, though it's not the solution for some people. No one is going to suggest you face your fears and make amends right away. That's not how it works. Letting others know who you are, and that you're new to this, will spur the kind of support that's available here. It's great having people you can talk to -- even visit with, God help us! -- who have gone through or are going through the same things you're experiencing.
I'm not fond of the AA slogans, but one I've heard before may be helpful to you: First it gets good. Then it gets better. Then it gets real.
You only need to stay around long enough for things to get good. And then, you'll want things to get better.