Originally Posted by
harveywill 
I am very confused by advice on this helpful sober recovery website that says "let go", "detach" etc etc; then in the stickys area there is a National Institute of Drug sticky that talks about how you can push for treatment/rehab/counseling EARLY ON. Says don't have to wait until they "bottom out".
Does it matter what we say to our son (24) and how we say it? Or--- do we just tell him to move out due to his behavior and that's it? He is using drugs and drinking excessively. Binge drinker. Not sure what the drugs are. guessing cocaine/pills (valium)? No job right now. he has lived off and on in our extra granny unit connected to our house for the last 5-6 months.
Thanks
Confused Dad
Welcome to the Board.
Fair question and a good one. When we talk about "letting go", or "detaching with love", it's in the context of recognizing that until the addict help themselves, there's nothing we can do. We can try to push the addict to go into treatment, or to stop using. But addiction is a monster, and if pushing the addict to stop was all it took, then boards like this one wouldn't exist. The more you hang around here, the more stories you'll read about parents with addict children. And some of the choices these parents have had to make in order to preserve their sanity, or their own safety, are incredibly difficult. I would read a lot of those posts.
If you want your son to move out because of his behavior, that's well within your rights. Doesn't mean it'll be an easy thing to do. It doesn't mean he'll stop using if you ask him to leave. But making him leave does mean he has to fend for himself and accept the consequences of his addiction. You're his father, you love him, and you hate to see him to this to himself, but you shouldn't pay the price for his poor decisions.
When you get enough posts under your belt -- I think it's 5 -- feel free to shoot me a PM.
Best,
ZoSo