Beingjill - Welcome to SR!! I didn't quite get the message when I started working on my codependency a few decades ago, either.
You've found a great site with a lot of people who understand. We have another forum you may want to check out: Friends & Family/alcoholics and there's another one for substance abuse friends/family.
It was only when I started reading through them that I realized I had a lot of work to do, but so far it's been worth it
Hugs and prayers,
Amy