jmho . . . sounds like you are doing great.
You are correct that different meetings and groups have very different styles.
I hit a few across Texas, so I see different flavors.
Some do the very formal meetings like you described. A set topic, reading from Alanon literature (only), and folks only speak about how things are with themselves.
Others are open discussions. I have heard of some that do both -- 1 hour of the reading type, and a second hour of small group discussions.
Your understanding and operation towards boundaries sounds great, too.
Maybe read the "12 and 12?" That is the 12 steps and 12 traditions of Alanon, sort of explained out at a Chapter by Chapter level.
But overall -- You Keep Going Girl. Doing Great.