Went to my second Alanon meeting yesterday. I don't really "get it." What we do is someone reads a passage about a topic, and then we go around the room and comment on the topic. I guess it's not specific enough for me. After the meeting, we stood around and talked, and that seemed more specific and helpful, and I wonder why the whole meeting isn't like that???
AH has been sober for 17 days now. I told that to a RA at the meeting, and he seemed surprised and asked if I was sure. I said "I think so." Maybe I'm kidding myself? He's certainly been sober at night at home. Maybe he's hiding liquor and drinking it there, but he isn't getting drunk, and I'll be damned if I'll go looking for liquor. If he's drinking, it'll show itself at some point, and then we'll deal with that. For now, I am happy that he is coming to bed sober at night, snuggling and keeping me warm. We're making progress in our division of finances (in lieu of a separation agreement). He's opened his own checking account, and we've divided the bills equitably. I still need to re-finance my car in my own name. He's going to show me how he managed the bills, this weekend.
I need to start thinking about boundaries for when/if he relapses. Originally, my plan was to write up a separation agreement that said that we would live together in our home, for as long as he remains sober. If he resumes drinking, he'll have to leave the house, and I will file for divorce.
As I'm coming to terms with the disease model of alcoholism, I do accept that at least one relapse is likely. Any ideas of how to frame my expectations? Are these expectations what's called boundaries?
If I should be starting a new thread for these ramblings, let me know. I read here daily and it seems like new threads are started regularly, but I really can't keep up with all the reading here.
Thank you, anyone!