Mizzuno

I have not been feeling well. So, I wanted to talk about it in hopes that I can turn my head space around.
Life has been difficult for us since we relocated, and It did not help that I lost my job due to Alcoholism.

I have been dealing with some really dark thoughts in my waking hours, and also when I lay down to sleep at night. I fear something terrible is going to happen. These thoughts are not normal, and I know that other people do not think this way. I am really tired all of the time. I have been avoiding talking about this. Any happiness that I feel is short lived, and then it is back to struggling to make life work. I will not go into any deeper thoughts on this forum, but the thoughts are disturbing.

The main thought is, what is the point? My husband is unhappy with his life, we are not happy here, finances are really tight. We need a break, a divine intervention of some sort. I hope the powers that be see this, and hear this. We need an intervention on our life. I want my husband to be joyous. I want to feel happy.

I have these pressing health issues that are not being resolved due to insurance and their denial, and also not having thousands to cover dental.

We talk of relocating again. This can not happen easily. We have no where to go really.

I have to write an essay that I am putting off. My motivation is none existent.

So, I am putting it out there. Not for sympathy. Not for anything other than putting it out into the world that I feel awful and have felt awful. I am not drinking.