Wow. I just read all 11 pages of this story. You've been through so much in the last 30 days or so. Such intense agony, really. Yet, it reminds me of what I challenged myself for "more of" in the past year. I haven't shared the story here yet, but I will tell you that I'm considered a strong person, too. Very realistic. Friends also think I've got a wicked sense of humor. But, I wish to share with you one thing: what you see is what you will see. What you've experienced, there will be more of that. There's nothing more than that. I feel confident that if you strategize your finances to your advantage by taking in some of the information provided here, you will find yourself in a much better place than you've been able to imagine. I like it that you're imagining a pool, but I wonder if you scale down that to something a little different, that doesn't gain equity for "his" house (thus, enabling his financial situation and bottle- buying power further), and then maybe doling out enough for a down payment, you could find yourself in a nice little cottage for you and your girls. You're certainly working enough to find yourself in a pretty good spot. I hope you think about it. I say this from a position of single working, full time student mom who just got out of the same relationship after a one year (what I thought was) sober break with the only man I've ever really loved. His financial focus on those bottles could have financially drowned my son and me past any financial recovery, given the tight budget I was already on. And we didn't even share auto insurance. I can love from afar. I can even love with NC. It's the best kind of love I have for my son and me.
Take care.