lizatola

Having been in Al Anon for 18 months now, I'm finally seeing how I put the program into use even when it doesn't apply to my AH. I am a fixer. Always seeing the problem and stepping in to make everything better.

My ds(age 14) has a moderate tic disorder. Basically, it's Tourette's without the vocal tics. His tics can be extremely troublesome and started back when he was nine. Right now he has about 10 tics happening off and on throughout the day: some in succession with each other, some independent of the others. Head turning, eye blinking, a tic where he sticks his chest out while walking every few steps, and a shoulder tic where he lifts his shoulder up to meet his chin as he turns his head.

There are days when I struggle just watching him. My heart breaks for him and I see people watching him and I feel just awful for him. He is going through puberty and I wonder how he'll feel about his tics as he gets older and is looking to date, etc. For now, he actually isn't too bothered by them, except the shoulder one because that creates muscle tension and knots in his back. I take him to a chiropractor every so often and he gets massages, as well, when needed. Also, epsom salts baths help as does some massage from me.

I used to cry at night for him. I used to take on all his learning disabilities and then get so bogged down by his issues that I would be paralyzed because I was overwhelmed. Like: do I get him with someone to do CBT with him for his tics or do I find a psychologist to help him with the OCD or do I invest all our extra money into the tutoring and educational therapies he needs? It truly has been overwhelming but I've finally been able to take a step back and say, "He's almost 15. He's not dead yet. He has friends, he is amiable and loves people. He loves photography and real estate and is VERY intuitive when it comes to how he deals with people. He is filled with empathy and caring and gentleness of spirit and I can't negate any of that with worry about these dang tics. He is who he is and that's OK."

The program has allowed me to accept him for who he is, tics (or warts) and all. I've learned that I don't need to pigeonhole my kid and that the bigger picture is, that he is a wonderful boy who has a lot to give to society. I don't worry about his tics anymore. I help him when he asks, make the chiro appointments, massage him when needed, draw the bath if he wants it, etc but I don't sit around and fret over it. It is what it is, and that is how Al Anon has helped me work on acceptance of a situation that I truly have no control over.

Thanks for letting me share!