Okay, stop hating ... Just take the word right out of your vocabulary. Perhaps start telling yourself you love yourself enough to want to be sober & healthy so you can be there for your family. I don't have a family so I can't relate to that but I am an alcoholic & couldn't start to get better until I accepted I was powerless over alcohol. AA has been a wonderful program that has taught and is still teaching me how to live sober. SR has also been my saving grace. You're not alone & you can do this if you really want it!